Breadmaking: an act of faith

Once again, I have given my best effort in the making of prosphora - the holy bread used in the Orthodox Church for Communion. I can't say that I've exactly mastered the art, but I have managed to produce a few acceptable loaves for use at our parish of St. John the Baptist. Nevertheless, this latest attempt truly seemed full of life lessons for me.

1) I can do nothing without God.

While baking bread, the most stressful part (for me at least) is making sure the yeast works. Waiting anxiously for the bubbling, foaming sign that, yes, it's ready now, before adding it to the flour and water truly feels like forever. And even then - is the air pressure right? is the oven too hot? too cold? will it raise properly? did I leave it long enough? what, exactly, is double the size? Although I add all the right ingredients and give it the right environment, this is a part of the process that seems entirely out of my control. Anything could happen and result in a flat mass of dough (this has happened to me before). I suppose much of this will come with more practice (I've only made it about 3 time so far), but I find myself in these tense moments, prayer fervently that God will bless the work of my hands and produce an acceptable offering.

Similar to the process of baking bread, I've noticed a similar pattern in life. Oftentimes, we must make large decisions - take this job, move to this city, etc. - with a sense that the ultimate outcome is entirely out of our control. We add the right "ingredients" (research, planning, prayer, preparations), but there's a mechanism in the dough-rising process that we can't quite control. And so, we pray that we may produce with our lives an offering acceptable to God.

2) I can do nothing without my own effort.
Although this seems contradictory to the last lesson, it is in fact quite complementary. While I definitely rely on God to grant my bread dough to rise, I must also add to it my own effort. I can't have bread unless I first mix the flour and the water, add the yeast, and then knead (sometimes 45 minutes!) till all the air bubbles are gone and it is no longer sticky. A great deal of my own personal effort must go into this bread - I suppose it would not be considered a "sacrifice" otherwise.

Similarly, in life, God will bless our efforts - but we must first put for the effort! We cannot ask God to grant us grace to give liberally to the poor, and then go out to eat every weekend, see one or two movies a week, and buy every new electronic gadget that hits the market. Some amount of our own effort is necessary if we are to grow in the grace of God, be it budgeting money or time, showing up that extra half hour on Sunday morning to help set up coffee hour, or that extra hour to hear all of the Orthros (Matins) service.

So, with this combination of my effort and God's blessings, God produces (note, I did not say "I produce") an offering acceptable to Him.

I Am Thankful

On Monday, Frank and I will celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. A great deal has happened over these last 12 months, and at the end of it all, all I can say to God is: "Thank you".

Thank you for my wonderful husband, who helps me through my struggles, both physical, spiritual, and emotional. He teaches me to be a better person by lovingly (although firmly) revealing to me how often I delude myself into thinking I'm perfect, when in fact I am FAR from it. And even though I am so far from perfect, he stands by my side no matter what mess I've gotten myself into this time.

Thank you for my beautiful house, which, though trying at times, keeps us warm and sheltered. As our major housing projects finally are coming to an end, we are beginning to be able to open our house more and more to our friends, practice hospitality, and create an environment in which we feel surrounded by God, His saints, and the Church.

Thank you for my family who is close by, and my parents who are supportive; for my father, without whose handyman experience our house would never be in the shape it is now; for my mother, who teaches me daily about the little trials of running a household that I had never realized before; for my brother, who is growing up so much, and inspires me to be a better sister and friend; and for my sister, who although far away, daily gives me opportunities to grow into a better, more loving person.

Thank you for my loving church community, with friends who help and support my spiritual growth. Thank you for the opportunities to serve God through singing and teaching Sunday school, as well as through service to my community. Thank you for our priest who teaches us as often as he can, through word and deed, the Truth of the Gospel.

Thank you for my employment, which is hard to come by these days, especially for new teachers. The staff I work with is supporting and helpful, they pay for me to continue my education, and the students appear hard working and earnest.

I could go on and on, and please don't get the impression that I am boasting. For, most honestly, none of these "accomplishments" are in any way shape or form of my own efforts or abilities. My gratitude stems from the sure knowledge that my husband, my house, my family, my parish community, my job, all stem from the One Good and Loving God who knows what I need at this moment in my life, and knows that I may need different things as life moves on (only He knows what is coming next). I can only trust that, no matter what turns this path of life may take, He will provide for me and my family what we need to grow closer to Him.

That is why I want to take this opportunity to express my thankfulness for everyone and everything God has brought into my life; without them, I would be a far sadder person. I pray God will bless the year ahead with His love and peace. Amen.